


From the first

by GamblingDementor



Series: Post Nuclear War Apocalypse In the Heights (Camp El Barrio) [4]
Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-26 23:17:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9928337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GamblingDementor/pseuds/GamblingDementor
Summary: This is part of my post nuclear war apocalypse AU of Welcome to Camp El Barrio. This takes place after the fanfiction.The emotional aftermath of Vanessa's first mission on the field as a member of the elite squad.





	

Blood splatters across Daniela's brow in her last effort. It's icky and she'll need to have a bath fetched for her later, but at least, the last of the beasts are dead. She keeps a mental tally of every member of the squad. Benny is by her side, always. He's rubbing sweat off of his brow and counting the bodies of the ghouls they got rid of, most likely to brag about it later at the tavern. Dana is keeping watch on the other side of the cave and should be back any time now. Daniela whistles their special bird call and gets the response from her. All good on that front. And inside the cave, launching the stealth attack against the raiders, Cuddly Ted and Vanessa. She pays closer attention. No sound coming from there. Should be alright. Any failure in the plan would have made sound.

 

"Benny," Daniela orders, "Go find the others inside. Keep an eye out for loot. We'll come back tomorrow with the oxes."

 

Benny nods and makes quick way to the raiders' cave.

 

Overall, unless there is a bad surprise waiting for him inside, the mission was a success. Damn raiders, a bunch of cowards not even facing her themselves, sent troops of ghouls instead, hoping that the undead would be enough to wipe off Daniela's team. It wasn't, it never is. They're her elite team for a reason. These raiders won't be a threat to her camp anymore. Daniela has got herself the best squad she could possibly have for situation like these, all of them trained for years for the purpose of special missions such as this one to pro-actively protect the camp. Well, all of them but one, their most recent handpicked recruit.

 

"Excuse me, ma'am," Benny taps on her shoulder.

 

She turns around, nods for him to go on. He shuffles awkwardly.

 

"There's, erm, a situation…"

 

" _There is no situation_ ," Vanessa chimes in from behind him, full of anger and something else. Confusion, Daniela thinks, or even sadness.

 

"You're not hurt," she notes. "Something happen to Ted?"

 

"Nope," Cuddly Ted responds with a salute. "Alive and well."

 

Vanessa won't meet her eyes and Daniela senses an awkwardness around her from the boys.

 

"Everything alright?" Dana asks, trotting up to them, a big smile on her face. The girl always loves a victory.

 

She is such a contrast with Vanessa, proud where Vanessa seems shameful, but she has been part of the squad for six years now and Vanessa is just at the end of her first mission on the field. Daniela snaps her fingers. Ted and Benny, who had been talking in hushed whispers behind their hands, stare at her, waiting for orders.

 

"Go back to camp," she instructs them, gesturing to everyone but Vanessa. "We'll catch up later for a field report from each of you."

 

They leave without batting an eye. _Good_. Daniela watches them walk away, chatting merrily − she's happy that her team is getting along so well, because trust is the most irreplaceable weapon they have against their fiends − and turns to Vanessa. She finds her slouched forward on a tree stump, her bent down head between her hands. Daniela shakes her head and sits next to her on the ground, a hand on Vanessa's knee. She's breathing hard and the world seems to have stopped around her.

 

"Vanessa," Daniela says, her thumb rubbing circles into Vanessa's leather overalls.

 

"Don't, alright?" Vanessa bites. "I already hate myself right now, I don't need you."

 

Daniela drops her hand, instead gets out her blade and plays around with it.

 

"First time killing?" She asks after a while, seeing as Vanessa doesn't seem to broach the issue on her own. She plants her knife into the stump next to where Vanessa is sitting and waits for an answer.

 

"You guessed it," Vanessa says bitterly.

 

Daniela tries to weigh her words. She's been there. She's seen others there.

 

"It gets easier," she tries. "If you still want to be part of this…"

 

" _Of course I do_ ," Vanessa cries out. "I'm not a quitter."

 

"Just asking," Daniela raises her hands apologetically.

 

Vanessa sniffles, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand, hunched forward and staring ahead.

 

"It's what we gotta do, isn't it?" She asks, almost to no one in particular, even though it's just the two of them out here. "Three raids this month, they would have killed us no qualms."

 

"They would," Daniela says. She thinks of the fallen of previous raids, some of them ages ago yet still vivid in her memory. "They have."

 

"Mmh."

 

There's a story unspoken behind that hum, but Vanessa can keep her secrets if she wants. Daniela knows what she needs to know.

 

"This is the world we're in," she says. "And we do what we have to do to survive."

 

"Yeah," Vanessa breathes out tiredly.

 

Daniela risks a hand on her knee again, this time accepted. Vanessa's hand flexes on her lap, almost touching Daniela's, not quite reaching out.

 

"Take a day off tomorrow," Daniela says on a whim. "Rest, think, and we'll talk after that."

 

"I thought elite squad didn't take days off?" Vanessa smirks.

 

"I thought I was the leader of this camp who decides who does what," Daniela muses, patting Vanessa's knees before standing up, shoving her knife back into its sheath at her breast.

 

"A'ight," Vanessa says. Pauses. "Thanks."

 

"And be careful not to get caught," Daniela adds. "Usnavi's dorm is crowded."

 

Vanessa huffs and shoves past her back to camp.

 

**********

 

It's well past sundown by the time the door of Usnavi's bunker dorm clicks open. A weight lifts off his chest as he recognizes Vanessa's footstep and shadow. She looks around the room, then walks towards him and removes items of clothing on her way, dropping them on top of his trunk and thank God the rest of his dwelling mates are asleep at this time of the night because there is barely anything left on her when she slides under the covers he holds up for her.

 

"I want you," she whispers against his mouth before capturing it into a kiss.

 

Her hands are cold against his bare skin as she slides them under his shirt and he jerks in surprise.

 

"You just came back?" He whispers, much lower than she did. He does not want anyone to catch her in his bed, not again.

 

"Uh huh," she nods, setting her mouth to his neck, nibbling that soft point she discovered a while ago that makes him squirm every time.

 

"How'd it…" He moans as she grabs his butt with a full palm. "How'd the mission go? I was worried sick."

 

She leans up from her ministrations, stares at him in the dark, her fingers playing with the waistband of his pants.

 

"Usnavi," she says gently.

 

He gulps.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Do you wanna have sex or do you wanna talk?"

 

Her fingers tap on his stomach impatiently.

 

"I mean, we can do both," he grins, wrapping an arm around her waist, bringing her close again, but she's still frowning. He accepts his fate. "Alright then, no talking."

 

"That's right," she says and kisses him again.

 

She's forward, she always is. There isn't always much time and space to get together on camp and they make the most of every moment life throws at them.

 

"I need you," she breathes against his neck, their bodies as close as could be.

 

Usnavi bites back a groan as her hand slides under his waistband, pumping him to hardness, precum pooling at the tip that she spreads on his length. How does this keep happening, Usnavi can't say. Vanessa gets into his bed and despite the risk of getting caught, he's helpless against her charms.  Nothing stands between them. His fingers find her wet and hot, as ready as he is.

 

"Fuck…"

 

"Told you," she whispers and the kiss she gives him then is all teeth and tongue and leaves Usnavi struck by lightning. "Can we just…"

 

Her leg hooks over his waist, pulling him close. She slaps his hand away from her and groans in the kiss when he sinks into her. The position is awkward, almost uncomfortable, lying on their sides and terribly lacking any moving space, but she's grabbing onto him and needs him, so he does what he can, hips bucking into her.

 

Vanessa pushes on his chest, rolls them around to be on top, tucking her head against his neck, hands grabbing his and pulling them on either side of his head as her hips take over all the work. Without her mouth to muffle his moans, he has to bite onto his lip to stay silent because getting caught has happened before and was not his favorite thing in the world, if he has to admit. The only noise is the rustle of the blanket, the light slapping of skin against skin, and Vanessa's heavy breath.

 

"Usnavi…" She whispers against his neck and that's when he feels it.

 

His neck is wet. He hates that he could have easily missed it, but there is nothing ambiguous about the tears he feels on his skin. Did the mission _fail_? But she's back safely here in his arms…

 

"Vanessa? …"

 

Gently, he pushes on her shoulders to see her face, cupping it, brushing off tears with his thumbs. Vanessa blinks, fat tears falling off and then pulls his hands off and falls back against his shoulder.

 

"Please," she whimpers, so much softer than she usually does even in the silence of the room. "I need you."

 

He holds her hips and pulls out of her, lying her back down next to him, bringing her close. She's keeping her sobs silent but he feels her body shaking against him.

 

"Did something happen?" He asks, trying not to let his voice break.

 

She sighs and gets him on top of her, his body fully weighing on her but she snakes her arms around his back to keep him there.

 

"Everyone's fine," she states immediately. "I just… I just need to feel alive right now."

 

She angles her hips up and she's still so hot and wet against his dick and her eyes are large and black and begging. He hates himself for it, he really does, but he nods and lets her drive him back inside her. If he's going to indulge her, he's at least going to do it gently and his rhythm is far less hurried than hers.

 

" _Vanessa_ ," he moans into her ear and her arms are a vice around him.

 

There is moonlight shining on her face, her beautiful brown face now blue in the night, and would that he could make love to her until the sun shines again. If she's soft and pretty in his arms, he'll treat her like she's soft and pretty.

 

From the story books that Nina read to him when they were little and still learning at the teacher's table in the common halls, back when there were half as many dwellers in El Barrio as now, Usnavi can still remember tales of princes and princesses getting married forever and cherishing each other their whole lives. He doesn't know about marriage yet − technically, weddings can only be performed at the City to be considered valid, but there is a small chapel in camp for anyone who wants the blessing of God to share their life with someone else − but he can already see himself with Vanessa every day of his life, even after just a few weeks since they got together. He can see himself welcoming her back to camp after every mission, soothe the pain of the violence of the outside, be the kindness that Vanessa needs.

 

"I wanna stay alive for _you_ ," she whispers, as if she didn't really wanted him to hear.

 

Her breath is heavy and he so wants for her to never cry again. The way she's clinging to him, a moan on her lips with every thrust, so much that he's afraid she might wake up the others but he'll risk it for her every time, he's never loved her so much. Legs around his waist, she refuses to let him go, as if she was afraid he'd just disappear into thin air.

 

"I'm here," he moans into her ear and feels her arms tighten. "I love you, I'm here."

 

"I love you," she sighs.

 

She bucks her hips up and the angle is mindblowingly hot but nothing her body does could ever be so good as the words she's uttered. It's the first time she's ever said them out loud, though they've always been implied between them. Usnavi doesn't want to point it out, doesn't want to make this about him. He doesn't know what happened out there, doesn't want to know more than she tells him. The only thing he knows is that he'll love her through it and he'll be there for her, always. If he can't erase whatever happened, he can overwhelm it with sweetness. A myriad of kisses everywhere he can reach, her mouth, her cheeks, her neck, dropping down to her breasts, teasing a nipple, a hand caressing the soft skin of her hip, showing her his love so that she can never doubt he loves her and will always be here for her.

 

"I'm here," he repeats and he feels her reach down to touch herself in rhythm with his hips. "I'm here and I love you and I'm here."

 

She comes beautifully, face buried into his neck, legs clamping around him and he feels every shiver of her body under his.

 

"Usnavi…" Her hands reach up to hold his face, pull him into a kiss that feels like the kiss a person condemned to death the next day would give, not the kiss of a loving girlfriend who sneaked in your bed in the middle of the night, but he'll take it.

 

She eventually gets the best of him and stifles his moan with her kisses. He pulls out of her and quite often, this is the part of the night where the person who is not in their own bed makes a quick exit to their own quarters, but Vanessa shows no sign of such intention. Usnavi lies back next to her, stroking her hair and for the first time tonight, she looks peaceful as she gazes into his eyes. He gives her his best smile.

 

"Ya gonna sleep here?" He asks.

 

She nods lazily and yawns. Her arm wraps around his waist before he can say a thing and she's made herself at home in his bed.

 

"You're not gonna…"

 

"I'm not gonna do nothing," she says, closing her eyes.

 

"Right, right…"

 

"I'll wake up early," she reassures him, a kiss against his neck where she can reach, all cuddled against him and seemingly not about to move until the next morning.

 

"A'ight… Goodnight, Vanessa."

 

"G'night," she replies.

 

It's not long before she falls asleep. Usnavi has a thousand questions running through his mind, but none of them can be answered by himself. He'll need to ask Vanessa for more, or better, ask Benny instead. Vanessa's deep breath soothes him to sleep. Hopefully no one finds her here before she makes her exit.

 

**********

 

Nina hears the door of her lab open and close. It's early for breakfast delivery, but then again, she arrived before the rest of the engineering staff and it might just be a coworker finally starting their shift.

 

"Yo."

 

The weight of the world drops with Vanessa on the chair beside her and a breakfast ration gets pushed her way.

 

"I get you one of these plum cakes your mom makes on Sundays."

 

Nina looks up from her notes. Vanessa is leaning back on her chair, feet on the table. Nina gestures to get them off − Van reluctantly complies.

 

"You managed to get some? She only makes a handful."

 

Vanessa takes a bite off hers and groans in pleasure. Nina smiles − she know her mom's cooking to be excellent.

 

"I got an in with a pretty kitchen boy," she says, a smirk in her voice, but her face grows stern.

 

All her life in camp, Nina has learned that being pushy will lead nowhere real fast. Everyone here lacks physical space, all cramped up as they are, so the least she can do is give them the emotional space they need. She knows that something is bugging Vanessa but she won't pry it out of her forcefully. Vanessa seems like she's already moments away from confessing on her own.

 

Vanessa chews out the cake silently and Nina goes back to her notes. She's been working on a new water supply system in the housing district recently. Ideally, she would like to install at least one tap of fresh running water in every lodging. There might be another few days of planning ahead of her, but nothing so intense that she can't take a moment off for her best friend.

 

Vanessa grabs her waterskin, takes a big swig, breathes out audibly and turns her back to Nina. Well, not exactly, not so overtly. It's subtle, really, just slightly facing the wall on their side, but enough that Nina understands. Vanessa can't talk earnestly if she's looking people in the eyes on important matters.

 

"So, erm…"

 

Nina keeps her eyes down on her papers. Vanessa can be a frightened little doe when she's like this. Best not scare and frighten her off.

 

"Benny, he's been on the squad for long?"

 

Nina pauses. She wasn't expecting a work related discussion.

 

"Kinda," she answers. "Daniela always had an eye for potential. He got in at sixteen."

 

Vanessa hums, takes another bite of cake.

 

"So, on his first mission…"

 

Ah, yes. Vanessa's first mission on the field with Daniela was yesterday. She knows from Benny that it was a success, but he's not the kind to overshare details about this and Nina is not the kind to force him to.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Was he like…" She's tapping her fingers on the table nervously, probably not even aware she's doing it. "Was he overwhelmed?"

 

Nina remembers that night very well. She was there when he came back and they talked well into the night about the mission, so many years ago. Of course, Benny was still just a friend back then, but the way he'd opened up, admitted how scared he'd been, she had begun to think of him as so much more.

 

"He was terrified," she says and hopes Benny doesn't mind her sharing that. "Look, Van, it's totally okay if you were…"

 

"I wasn't scared!" Vanessa retorts instantly, her eyes flashing anger at Nina, turning around in a swivel.

 

Nina holds up her hands apologetically.

 

"Alright then, you weren't scared."

 

"I _wasn't_ ," Vanessa insists, and somehow Nina believes her. "It's just… Ugh, this is stupid, I signed up for this and I don't even _mind_ , really."

 

"It's not stupid at all," Nina says, taking Vanessa's hand. She tenses under her touch but relaxes just as soon.

 

"I'd never… you know." She slides a finger across her own throat. "Before."

 

"You'd never killed before?!" Nina blurts out before she can stop herself. "I thought you were a bandit before El Barrio."

 

Vanessa shrugs.

 

"I was more the, steal your crops at twilight kind of bandit, you know? Not the kill your friends and family type."

 

"Mmh."

 

She looks so lost, even now. Nina opens her arms.

 

"C'mere," she gestures and Vanessa, however begrudgingly, accepts the hug that is offered. She melts into Nina's arms, though, burying her head into her neck.

 

"Have you talked to Dani? I'm sure she wouldn't mind assigning you somewhere else…"

 

"What's with you guys and making me quit?! I don't need to be reassigned, I'll just have to… adjust."

 

"Well, I believe in you."

 

Vanessa nods, disentangles herself from Nina's embrace. She makes to stand up but Nina grabs her arm.

 

"You wanna check on the hybrids with me?"

 

"… Hybrids?"

 

"Yeah," Nina answers proudly. "We've been growing a new batch, it might get your mind off things. It's Julio's project, technically, but I'm sure he won't mind if I let you get a glimpse, they're coming along real…"

 

"Nina," Vanessa interrupts, a smirk at her lips.

 

"Mmh?"

 

"I'm not gonna watch weird greens grow on my day off."

 

Nina pouts, but sees the point.

 

"Thanks though," Vanessa says as she stands up for real. "I'll find distraction elsewhere now."

 

She starts making her way up the stairs before turning around again.

 

"Oh, by the way, don't let the cake go to waste, I called in tremendous favors to get it for you."

 

Nina cocks her brow.

 

"You're literally the delivery boy's girlfriend."

 

"Unbelievable favors!" Vanessa repeats on her way out.

 

The door slams shut. Nina snickers, then eats up the rest of her cake and gets back to work.

 

**********

 

Claudia's work at camp has always been two parts.

 

Of course, there is the medical care she provides for anyone who needs healing. She even trained in a vault under synth supervision and came back to camp to share her new knowledge with the people who needed it. In her long life, she's accumulated more knowledge of the medical arts than anyone else here, her mission, her reason to live. She has more books than anyone in camp but Nina, and the years have granted her experience and familiarity with all the ills that strike the human body.

 

But then, even more important than that, she has learned the workings of the human mind and she can help with that as well, alleviate the pain there with kindness and patience. God knows said patience is often put to the test every day on this settlement, especially sharing the hut with Daniela. No matter, she's always been there to offer counsel to anyone who needs it. Even if they don't know that they need it.

 

Claudia is grinding down some herbs to later make some of her salves that are running short when the door to the healing hut pushes open.

 

"Yo, I was waiting for you at the…" Vanessa stops in her tracks, a frown on her young beautiful face. "Where's Daniela?"

 

Claudia smiles and gestures for Vanessa to sit next to her at the supply table.

 

"Daniela is overseeing the children's day at work to evaluate their strengths for future jurisdiction. She'll be busy all day."

 

"Hmpf…"

 

She drops on the bench with more than a little touch of bad mood, her back to the table. Claudia keeps grinding her herbs fresh from the farming sector's new batch they brought in this morning. They fill the room with sweetness. After a while, Vanessa sighs and turns around to help Claudia at her task. She works the mortar and pestle sharply, roughly. Always a storm in this girl's heart, Claudia ponders. You never know when it's going to pour down.

 

"Did you eat enough?" She asks cautiously. Always the safest bet.

 

Vanessa nods, pressing down on the pestle with the strength of the soldier she is.

 

"I ate with Nina," she says. "Plum cakes. They were good."

 

If she knows that Usnavi is keeping them religiously because he's noticed they're Vanessa's favorite, Claudia cannot say. He's a very thoughtful boy.

 

"And you slept well?"

 

There's the smallest hint of a smile on Vanessa's face at that, that she quickly wipes away.

 

"Yeah," she says. "I just… Yeah. I was tired."

 

"Tired from…"

 

"From nothin'."

 

Vanessa's face shuts down completely at that. Claudia wants to reach out, maybe hold her hand but the couple months that Vanessa has been in El Barrio have taught her that what works on Usnavi or Nina does not necessarily work on her. She's a tough case to crack, but Claudia never gives up on hard cases. She stirs the back of her mind to remember what Vanessa might have done the day before that would tire her. Her memory isn't what it used to be, near seventy years old, but now that she thinks about it, she now recalls Daniela planning this big outside mission with her elite squad. She came back and took up the bathing room of their hut for a long time after its success.

 

"Did you hurt yourself on the mission?"

 

The herbs in Vanessa's mortar are finely ground yet she keeps trying, working that pestle like her life depends on it. She won't meet Claudia's eyes at all, doesn't acknowledge her.

 

"Mija, were you hurt?" She insists.

 

Vanessa shakes her head, finally pouring all the crushed herbs into the bowl where Claudia is collecting them. She gets some more from the stash of herbs to be ground and Claudia is convinced she's not going to answer until she finally does, reluctantly, slowly.

 

"We were out yesterday. The sneak attack on them raiders in that cave, Daniela told you about it?"

 

Claudia nods cautiously. She longs to hold the girl in her arms and soothe the pains that this job is inflicting on her, but Vanessa is not there yet and Claudia won't breach the distance if she doesn't want it to be closed.

 

" _I_ wasn't hurt," she explains. "No one was. No one on our side…"

 

And there is a look Claudia has seen before. She's tended the wounds of countless soldiers before, guards and scouts and squad members. And bandits and raiders. She puts down her pestle. Work can wait.

 

"You had to…" She starts but can't bring herself to put Vanessa on the spot so openly.

 

"I did my job," Vanessa says plainly. She's stopped grinding the herbs as well. "And now I'm coming to terms with it."

 

 _And reluctantly,_ Claudia notes.

 

"Vanessa," she says, her hand close to Vanessa's but not touching it. "Let me tell you about what I do."

 

"Mmh?"

 

"I've been a nurse for fifty-three years," she explains. "And I've lost many people when death came despite my best efforts."

 

Vanessa remains silent, staring at her hands. Claudia is certain she must be reminiscing what these hands have done.

 

"I've mourned every single one of them. No matter what side of the fight they were on."

 

Vanessa's head snaps to her with incredulous eyes.

 

"You have?!"

 

"Always," Claudia nods. "So does Daniela, and the rest of them. You don't have to lose the heart inside you, mija."

 

Vanessa's fingers twitch, stretching closer to Claudia's and she may be old and wrinkled but Claudia knows to take a hint and she covers Vanessa's hand with hers,

 

"I don't…" Vanessa hesitates. "I don't wanna be weak."

 

"You're not," Claudia reassures her. "You're protecting us all. That makes you strong. It's a very hard job." _Way too hard for a girl your age,_ she thinks but doesn't say. "It's normal to be shocked after your first field mission. It's normal to be shocked after your thousandth mission."

 

Vanessa closes her eyes, breathes in sharply and nods.

 

"I'mma go train without Daniela," she announces. "Be strong for the camp."

 

She seems to weigh in all things before reaching over and giving Claudia a quick hug − very readily reciprocated. Standing up, she straightens herself and it seems to Claudia she stands taller than she did when she entered the room. Like her little talk gave the girl some pride in her work.

 

"Thank you, Vanessa," Claudia smiles. "For keeping us safe.

 

Vanessa gives a short nod and opens her mouth to say more, but can't seem to find the words. Instead, she pats down Claudia's shoulder and leaves the hut. Claudia watches her leave, then shakes her head and goes back to work. Best go back to the work of a nurse now that her emotional work is accomplished.


End file.
